


In Your Heart

by b6l6u6e



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Lucien character study, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-15 13:02:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28813857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/b6l6u6e/pseuds/b6l6u6e
Summary: Lucien is having an inner reflection over his past self, late at night in the tower, when a certain wizard arrives. He has a sense of familiarity, but he can't quite put his finger around why. All of his past memories should be gone.
Relationships: Lucien/Caleb Widogast, Mollymauk Tealeaf/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 5
Kudos: 90





	In Your Heart

**Author's Note:**

> This was just a quick piece I put together, when the inspiration hit. It's my way of having hope that Molly is still sorta living on through Lucien.

Lucien stood in front of the stained glass, that hung as a tribute to his past life, staring at the myriad of colors on display. He contemplated the type of person the other him may have been, to have inspired such devotion. It was a devotion he found himself envying. Whenever the Mighty Nein talked about him, he could see the love and hurt from losing him, feel it even. He hated how he knew he could never inspire such loyalty from his own crew.

Soft footsteps alerted the tiefling of someone approaching. They were careful and spoke of years of caution. Without looking, Lucien knew, it was the wizard. He didn’t know how he could pinpoint the owner. He hadn’t been with the Mighty Nein long enough to learn all their quirks. Yet he found himself picking up on subtle cues in body language, even to go as far as anticipating them at times.

The wizards steps stopped, once he’d noticed the room wasn’t unoccupied. The air was quiet, before Lucien finally broke it. Funny, he never remembered hating silence so much.

“He really must have been something to inspire such devotion from all of you.”

Caleb was quiet, thinking over his choice of words. Lucien wanted to smile at that, like an inside joke he wasn’t quite sure he understood.

“Mollymauk was a good friend and will always be a part of the Mighty Nein. In a lot of ways, he’s the one who brought us together,” the wizard replied. With his careful steps, he walked over next to the purple tiefling.

“I almost envy him,” Lucien admitted. He didn’t know why, but he felt it was safe for him to do so. Nothing like he could with the Tomb Takers.

“How so?” the wizard asked.

“Because, he was able to inspire such devotion and loyalty, just through friendship. With the way you all talk about him...Well, I know no one will mourn me quite as much.” Lucien’s garnet eyes never left the stained glass, as he continued, “The others only follow me because of Cree, and Cree only follows the Nonagon.”

“You’re afraid of becoming like Lady Vess,” Caleb added.

Lucien paused before shaking his head, “No. However...” He finally turned to look at the mage. His eyes were darkened due to lack of sleep and his skin glowed a pale yellow in the firelight. The hair in front of his eyes, hanging like threads of copper, and the blood hunter couldn’t deny the attraction he felt when he looked at the human.

“...What did he mean to you? The...other me.”

Caleb almost looked surprised at the question, before a light dust of pink colored his cheeks. A display that thoroughly interested Lucien.

The wizard cleared his throat, which he strangely recalled was a nervous habit of his, “Well, he was a friend and I cared for him a great deal. He...he was kind.”

Lucien tilted his head to the side, “Just kind?”

“J-ja...well, no.” Caleb sighed, before continuing, “He was ostentatious and loud. Always all over the place and highly distracting. Had no sense of personal space most of the time and, according to Fjord, was a terrible roommate. Everything was a game to him, especially the lies he loved to spin. He was infuriating most of the time, but he was also kind.”

The wizard then did something that he did not expect, something that he perhaps wouldn’t have done all those moths ago before he’d lost his friend. Caleb grabbed Lucien’s right hand, and for some reason he let him. The human’s touch was gentle and soft, as he ran his thumb along the design of the snake tattoo.

“Mollymauk would also be the first to give up the clothes on his back, if he felt someone else needed them more. And for all his talk, he was a good listener, whenever it mattered. He was often times insufferable, but it was strangely just a part of his charm. And we all loved him for it.”

The wizard continued to look down at the tattooed hand, a sad smile tugging at the corners of his lips. Those same lips that he didn’t know why he wanted to feel against his own.

“I’m not him.” Lucien wasn’t sure if he was saying it to the wizard, or to himself.

“I know,” was Caleb’s reply, before he pulled his hand away. Lucien’s fingers ached at the loss of the wizard’s warmth, but clenched his hand to his side, to keep himself from reaching back outwards.

Then Caleb walked closer to the tiefling and cupped those warm hands on each side of Lucien’s face, causing him to look up in those sad blue eyes.

“I know you aren’t him, but he’s still a part of you. And while your mind might not remember...” The wizard placed a gentle kiss on his forehead, a sudden wave a deja vu washed over Lucien from the gesture.

“...I believe in your heart, you still do.”


End file.
